Heart of the Poisonwood Ghost
by SeXy.NuM.NuMs
Summary: A crossover of "Heart of Darkness," "The Poisonwood Bible," and "King Leopold's Ghost." Please note: this is a crackfic and is not meant to be taken seriously. This is strictly a humor piece. Rating may change.
1. Prologue

**Heart of the Poisonwood Ghost**

**Prologue**

In a world where evil exists, and child abuse is accepted, comes a man with such power that he can cut the "package" off of any other man, call them of the opposite sex, and kill them. This is the epic tale of King Leopold the Second, his mistress Nathan Price, and the rest of the dysfunctional Price family and their prized pet prostitute Caroline.

XXX

Leopold, often referred to as the Coarse Old Man, was a man of many properties. His grayish-white hair covered his entire body from head to toe (Nathan loved to caress his lower back gently), his light pink lips were thin and moist, his large, merciless eyes were dark and penetrating, and finally, his rough, red tongue was covered in a yellowish-white layer of plaque, and was unnaturally long.

Leopold ruled the lovely land of the Congo with an iron fist, and was hated by most. The land, full of ivory, was infested by white men. Nathan, one of these men, moved to the Congo with his family to change the land for the "better." He never knew that he would fall in love with another man, crushing his (already crushed) marriage with his beautiful wife, Orleanna. Soon after arriving in the Congo, his four daughters—Leah, Adah, Rachel, and Ruth May—became favorite "toys" for him. Of course, Ruth May was his most favorite. When Nathan first laid eyes on the small man Leopold, he received a peace offering: Caroline the Prostitute. He played with her every once and awhile as well, but he found that she was too used and impure for his liking.

Anyway, with all this said . . . On with the epic story of the Heart of the Poisonwood Ghost!


	2. It was a strange sensation

**Chapter One: "It was a strange sensation . . ."  
**

**Nathan**

The day was smoldering within the airport, and my whore of a wife felt the need to draw the attention of everyone around. Didn't she know that the wrath of God will rain down upon us? I just can't wait to get to the Congo. There I can happily beat my wife without anyone suspecting. I mean, there she could just casually fall from a tree and land on a pile of rocks and broken glass. Or something.

But the domestic abuse will have to wait. As soon as we left the airport and arrived at our village, we were met with a crowd of mostly-naked natives, one of them holding the carcass of a goat. We were told this was our dinner (the goat, not the natives). And so we ate to our hearts' desire; it tasted of rock and soil, a herb most special to the Congolese. I truly enjoyed it. And that fine, wrinkly old woman across the camp fire! That and her daughter. God, how I love the kids!

I really think I'm going to like it here!

XXX

**Ruth May**

Moo!

XXX

**Orleanna**

Sitting by a warm fire, mouth full of rotting goat flesh, I couldn't stop thinking about how this meat tasted better than Nathan's lips. One might ask how this is possible. Well, for the past nine and a half years Nathan has neither brushed his teeth or showered. You could kill an army with that stench. If I said anything to my bastard husband about this, I'd either get whipped or Nathan would just tell me his stench kept food on our table. What an ass!

Well, any-who, I suppose I should stop thinking about my horrid pedophile of a husband and think about something I really enjoy! Like my little Ruth May, my bitchy daughter Rachel, or my two twin girls, Leah and Adah, or, as I like to call them, Twin One and Twin Two!

XXX

**Leah**

Running wild, like a dog without a cage would, I stole an arrow from the person standing closest to me. Why, might you ask? Well, I'll tell you. My twin Adah, or Twin Two (because she's always second), or The Retard (as Rachel calls her), was being exceptionally annoying today, and I felt the sudden urge to shove something sharp through her eye.

Alas, I was unable to relieve said urge, because Adah had already got Father. And everyone knows what that means: reciting the Bible while preforming an act in my father's favorite book, Porn, a novel. It was going to be a long night. But, hey, at least I'll get a bit of pleasure out of it. That's what counts, right?

Well, enough talk. Father calls. He's wondering what's taking so long. Well, I'll just tell him I am getting my whip, matches, dog, whipped cream, and pole ready.

XXX

**Adah**

haeL etah I!

XXX

**Leopold**

The first time I laid eyes on him, I knew it was true love! He had wild eyes, wide, muscular arms, a beer belly, and long, smooth legs. His name is Nathan Price, and his only fault is his wife. She is a whore, and is keeping that handsome man just out of my reach!

But, alas, I too have a similar fault. My lover, Kurtz, is still by my side. I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with that dashing head hunter, but now I am not so sure. I cannot get that lovely vision of the American missionary out of my mind. I must have him! In body, at least. My greatest desire is to show to the fanfiction population that I truly understand the meaning of the word "lemon"!

XXX

**Kurtz**

As I began working, diligently carving a beautiful design in the lower region of a native, I began to reminisce of the first time I laid eyes one the man I love.

It was about three years ago. I had been taking a stroll through the African wilderness when I tripped on an air current and got mud all over my favorite pants. I was so angry! So I took out my ax and began hacking away at the nearest native available.

Suddenly, I heard a twig snap. I looked up from the diced native and was surprised to see another man, a white man with a beautiful white, woolly beard, watching me.

Our eyes met. Sparks few. I could smell sex in the air and I began envisioning myself with that man surrounded by our many children. I knew, at that exact moment, that I loved him and he loved me.

I was so enamored by this man that I faked my death so I could stay here with him, instead of going back to my intended.

XXX

**Rachel**

I am hot. So hot. Hot I am. Sexy! Sometimes I just want to kiss myself, which of course I have. Just a few days ago, without anyone knowing, I began a full-blown make-out session with myself. I think I'll do it once a day and call it Rachel's Special Time.

Some days I wish I hadn't grown up, because, as a child, Father loved me. He thought I was pleasing. I miss that. He doesn't love me like he used to. Ruth May, Leah, and Retard get all the love, and I get squat. I miss Father's hands on me, and the sweet smell of his sweat. Yum!


	3. Boys should always open girls

**Chapter Two: "Boys should always open girls"  
**

**Kurtz**

On a warm Congo morning, as I began doing my daily ritual of cleaning up my mess from the night before, I saw the most breathtaking woman. This is quite out of the ordinary, seeing as I enjoy men and all their special parts. For some reason, I needed to speak to her. So I asked her, with as much manliness as I could muster, "Will you help me pick up these pieces?" Much to my surprise, she agreed to help.

I thought I felt the presence of an angel close by; I was enchanted. So together, the angelic woman and I, the once gay man, began cleaning up the random body parts that laced the dirty floor. My heart nearly stopped when the woman began singing the most beautiful song I've ever heard:

"_You twisted your ankle, I carried you_

_You got a divorce, so I married you_

_You fell off a cliff, so I buried you_

_I wish there were more bad times to see you through . . ."_

My member began dancing in my pants. She then began another verse, more lovely than the first:

"_You never got poked in the eye with a spork_

_You never got sick from all that leftover pork . . ."_

At that moment, we both reached for the same shredded chunk of uterus and our hands brushed against each other. We looked up, our eyes met, and for one second all time stopped. Then we pounced. As our mouths found each other, I lost all coherent thought. Suddenly we were on the ground, rolling among the bloody remains.

I turned her over so I was dominating and slipped my tongue down her throat. She moaned into my mouth and we began to grind our hips together.

Everything was going amazing, until we heard a voice: "Mommy, can I play too?"

I looked over to see a small six-year-old girl beginning to undress as if she'd done this before.

Dammit, of all the rotten luck!

XXX

**Orleanna**

When I first awoke on a bright, hot day, I never imagined I'd ever hate seeing my little Ruth May. But after she interrupted yesterday, I began fantasizing about slitting her delicate throat with a sharp rock. I should probably explain my anger . . .

When I was walking through the Congo yesterday I laid eyes on a man who was cleaning up many blood-soaked body parts. At the time, I hardly noticed him; I was pretty hungry and I realized a nearby decapitated head looked quite delicious—and I don't mean a head as in the kind that rests on the shoulders.

Anyway, when I heard that man's rough, husky voice, my very wet core wished to be that man's hotel room for the night. So I began helping the handsome man, and I tried to distract myself by singing a little song, hoping that would hide my desire.

My plan failed, however, when my hand touched his. My legs turned to jelly, my heart pounded, and desire turned into need. I pounced. He pounced. We rolled in the warm, blood-stained dirt, wrapped in one another's arms. His tongue entered my mouth and I was in heaven. It was total bliss.

Just when clothes began removing themselves, I heard a rustle. I raised my head, and saw her, the demon child. The child who was taking my one moment of true happiness. Her voice was God Himself, laughing at me. "Mommy, can I play too?" was translated to "Fuck you, Orleanna" in the High Lord's ominous voice.

XXX

**Adah**

Father truly loves me. He made it quite clear. Today he chose me over Leah. _This has never happened before! _were my thoughts. However, I took them back moments after thinking them. Father just needed the Retard to lick between his toes to clean off a bit of yellow puss.

What I was really hoping for was some special time with him. It's been so long since the last time he made me feel like a woman . . . I'm so horny, it feels like my female parts are about to explode!

I really miss him entering me. I miss his lips on mine. I miss his thighs brushing against mine. I miss him whispering in my ear. I miss his tongue in my mouth. I miss his hand on my arms as he held me down. I miss it all. Lla I ssim.

XXX

**Rachel**

I had a great experience today.

It all started when I was trying to change the light bulb in my flashlight. As I removed the old bulb, I noticed that I could see a faint reflection of myself in it. Gawd, I'm so sexy! I couldn't stop myself from snogging the light bulb.

The bulb was still warm; it reminded me of those wonderful times when Father used to play with me by jamming his warm tongue into my esophagus. And at that thought, I grabbed a carrot and dashed into my room for some happy time.

XXX

**Ruth May**

I'm a big girl now. I am leader of the kids. I play all the time. Today, after seeing Mommy play in the dirt with a strange man, I was the first to ask to join in. The other kids were afraid. After that, I became leader, and everyone needs to do what I say. I made everyone play a fun game of Mother May I.

We had lots of fun together. I was asked a whole bunch of things. It was even better when Papa joined in. He asked to do fun things to me, like "Mother, may I lick you?" and "Mother, may I suck you?" and my favorite, "Mother, may I fuck you?" Of course I gave him permission. Soon everyone joined in, including Caroline, who said "My dark pit of love needs the stake of life drilled into it." She got mad when I thought she said "stick," not "stake," and put a stick covered in fire ants into her love pit.

XXX

**Leah**

I was quite a naughty girl today, and now Father, my savior, is pissed. I just wanted to help him out.

It all started when he began to grow a garden. He was hard at work, and seeing him sweat made me sweat. I needed him. I watched him, and as I watched my desire grew so much that I could no longer take his teasing.

As he bent over to place a seed in the ground, I jumped onto his back and, tightly locking my arms around him, began licking the sweat off his neck. I felt him tense up beneath me for a second, and then relax again with a sigh. As I continued my licking, Father moaned softly, then breathed out, "Leopold."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but I answered by saying his name. Then, suddenly, Father bucked and I went flying through the air, and landed with a thud a few feet away.

I was momentarily stunned, and when my vision refocused, the first thing I saw was Father standing over me, looking enraged. I don't get it, he usually likes it when I surprise him. Especially when my tongue is involved. He wasn't angry earlier that day because he was playing with Ruth May.

"Leah! How dare you sneak up on me!" he bellowed as I stood up. "Can't you see I'm busy?!"

The world stopped for me. Never in my life has I heard those words. He was never busy when it came to my caressing his strong, sexy body with my tongue. I knew at that moment that I must have done something wrong, and now he hated me for it. I was a naughty girl; I deserved the harsh punishment.

First Father beat me, then he raped me from behind, then he strangled me, then he beat me and raped me again. I felt horrible on the outside and the inside, because I secretly enjoyed every second of it.

XXX

**Nathan**

Today is the worst day of my life. I couldn't get the vision of a god out of my mind. Whenever I thought of that man Leopold, my heartbeat quickened. It felt as if my heart was doing somersaults; my mini-me felt the same. Except it rests in my pants, not my chest.

It didn't help that I caught a glimpse of that man. His eyes were large and beautiful. It gave me goose bumps as I watched him walk across my path and I began to drool.

Later that same day, I began work on a vegetable garden because it took my mind away from the man of my dreams. However, my concentration was lost when I bent over to plant a seed. A person jumped on my back and began to gently lick my sweat-soaked neck. It felt good and I began to envision Leopold's extra-long tongue was doing the licking. I quietly mumbled his name and waited for his reply. However, the reply I heard wasn't from in the rough voice of a man, but that of a young girl. It was Leah's voice.

I bucked back and the little whore flew from my back. I was pissed. Leah forced me to think about the man I was trying to forget about. She forced me to envision him. I punished her all night long, but I couldn't get him from my mind.

It's just not fair! I'm stuck here with my whore of a wife when I could be with that fine gentleman!

If Leopold were here right now, I'd cover his body with peanut butter and lick it all off. How fantastic that would be! My mouth is watering just from thinking about it, and I can already feel the glob of a mess in my mouth, which makes my tongue stick my palate. Ooooooooh . . . It's like an oral organism!!

After all the peanut butter is gone, I envision myself grabbing the nearest bottle of chocolate syrup, pouring it all over th e ground, and rolling around in it with that sexy man. I can already feel our hips grinding against one another.

Our love will be the sweetest dessert in the world. And my little Ruth May will be the cherry on top, and her sweet fluids will be the icing. That is, until she reaches the age of sixteen . . .

Why must the Lord tease me so? Why can't I make love to the man I've fallen for? Why is Adah a retard? Why can't Orleanna spontaneously combust? Why is Leah growing older? Why . . . is the sky blue??

Alas! All my questions remain unanswered.

XXX

**Leopold**

That's it! I just can't take it anymore! I have decided that it is time I make contact with the object of my desire; I want that beautiful man sooooo bad, I will not be denied!

So today I got out the finest royal stationary and wrote him a nice letter. This is what it said:

Dearest Nathan,

OMG! 'Sup dawg!? How's it hangin'? I think it would be, like, totally GROOVY

if we got together for lunch sometime soon! LOL! Wanna be my bitch? Check one:

□ YES! ^_^

□ NO! =(

□ Maybe =/

Love ya! 3

King Leopold ("King Diddy")

XOXO

P.S. Eat lead, Biotches! D

Oh, I hope I receive a reply from him soon! The suspense is killing me!


	4. Then you run out of oxygen and die

**Chapter Three: "Then you run out of oxygen and die!****"****  
**

**Nobody's POV**

It was a bright, beautiful morning in the Congo. Birds were singing, cows were mooing, and lions were viciously mauling people. In one small village there sat a tiny hut house, in which lived the family Price. On this lovely morning, the girls of the house were just beginning to rise.

**Adah's POV**

I woke up and left the bedroom. As I entered the kitchen, I noticed Mother was already up and was staring out the window.

"What's for breakfast?" I asked her.

**Orleanna's POV**

I woke up particularly early today and, with nothing better to do, I went to stare out the kitchen window. Suddenly Adah entered the room. She asked me what was for breakfast.

"Fruit," I answered her.

**Adah's POV**

Mother told me we would have fruit for breakfast. I nodded and ate.

**Orleanna's POV**

Adah nodded and ate, so I ate as well.

**Rachel's POV**

I woke up from the smell of deliciously rotting fruit. I walked into the kitchen and saw my sister the Retard and my mother eating said fruit. I joined in eating said fruit.

**Orleanna's POV**

Adah, Rachel, and I ate fruit together happily. Ruth May and Nathan walked in next. Leah was following behind, completely naked.

"Why are you naked?" I asked.

**Leah's POV**

I walked in the house behind Father and Ruth May, naked and ready for breakfast. I heard Mother ask why I was without clothing. Shrugging, I answered:

"My clothes magically transferred from my body to Father's mouth."

**Nathan's POV**

I would have made a comment at this point, but Leah's bra was obstructing my windpipe.

**Ruth May's POV**

I walked into the kitchen with Daddy, and I noticed he was strangely quiet. Momma, Rachel, and stupid Adah were already in the kitchen, eating. When Momma asked Leah why she was naked, I was shocked cuz I didn't realized she was behind us. Then I was really jealous because I want Daddy to pay more attention to me.

"Daddy, how comes you didn't eat my clothes off?"

**Nathan's POV**

I opened my mouth to respond, but all that came out were Leah's panties. This was disappointing, because I had planned on savoring those for a long while, but now that they've been on the floor it's just gross . . .

**Rachel's POV**

I watched as panties fell from Father's mouth. I was sad because those used to be mine. When I heard Ruth May speak about them not being hers I got angry, and stormed out with my handy dandy flashlight.

**Leopold's POV**

Why hasn't that sexy man written me back?!

**Kurtz's POV**

Orleanna . . . Mmm . . .

**Nobody's POV**

And suddenly the world shifted to script format!

Nathan: Little kids . . . Yummy!

Orleanna: Shut up, ass!

Adah: Daddy, do you love me?

Nathan: No.

Leah: How about me?

Nathan: I like your body

Ruth May: You love me, right?

Nathan: Yes, my little angel.

Ruth May: I love you too . . . Can we play now?

Nathan: Yes.\

*Nathan and Ruth May leave to play*

*Rachel returns from carrot time*

Adah: . . . I hardly talked in the real book!

Orleanna: *facepalm*

Rachel: *sweatdrop*

Leah: *headdesk*

(With Nathan and Ruth May)

Nathan: *love makes*

Ruth May: *plays*

Random Villager 1: *watches*

Random Villager 2: *masturbates*

(With Kurtz and Leopold)

Kurtz: . . .

Leopold: . . .

Kurtz . . . . . . . . . So . . . Wanna make out?

Leopold: Meh . . .

Kurtz: . . . I'll be in the basement . . .

Leopold: Doing what?

Kurtz: What do you think?!

Leopold: . . . Is it legal to do this?

Kurtz: . . . . . .

*Kurtz goes to basement and finds a Jewish party in progress*

Random Jewish Guy 1: *dances*

Random Jewish Guy 2: *also dances*

Kurtz: The Horah! The Horah!

*Caroline appears out of nowhere*

Caroline: You called? *seductive voice*

Random Jewish Guys: *cheer* *wolf-whistle*

Kurtz: I said Hor-_ah_!

Random Jewish Girls: We didn't call for a whore!

Caroline: Damn . . . *disappears*

Random Jewish Guys: We'll have fun with you now! *attack Kurtz*

(Back with Leopold)

*Leopold begins to walk to the post office*

Leopold: *sings "Walking On Sunshine"*

Random Villager Kid: You suck! *throws ants*

Leopold: *eats kid's head off* Mhere . . .

Leopold: *stops at a stop sign* *sees backpack on sidewalk* *kicks backpack*

*baby rolls out of backpack and begins to cry*

Leopold: *squishes baby*

Baby's Mom: You bastard! You killed Kenny!

Leopold: *rapes woman* There, now you'll have another baby in nine months.

(Back at the kitchen)

Leah: Mom, can I go play with Father?

Orleanna: No.

Rachel: No.

Adah: Go screw yourself.

Leah: Okay. Rachel? May I borrow your carrot?

Rachel: *thinks* It's pretty big . . . I bet we both could use it at once.

Leah: Okay.

Adah: Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy night!

Orleanna: You girls have fun!

Adah: If we grab a few more carrots, we could make this a three-way . . .

Rachel: Good idea!

Leah: Mmm hmm! *nodnod*

Adah: *grabs carrots*

*Leah, Adah, and Rachel exit*

Orleanna: *laughs* Those darn kids!

(With Leopold)

*Leopold arrives at the post office*

Leopold: Has my response arrived?

Postman: No.

Leopold: Dammit! My dearest Nathan, why must you make an old man suffer?!


	5. Movies about Prostitution & Drugs

**Chapter Four: "Movies about Prostitution & Drugs"**

**Rachel**

This morning I woke up to a horrible sight. You see, I've started sleeping with my carrot under my pillow (for easy access when I can't sleep), but this morning it wasn't there!

So I bolted out of bed and dashed outside and I almost tripped over a little white rabbit that had my carrot in his mouth! As much as I didn't want to admit it, I found this quite funny because the rabbit has no idea where that carrot has been. But once the initial humor was gone, I was just pissed. How dare he take away my only chance at pleasure!

I lunged for the demon bunny, but he dodged, hopping just a few feet away, taunting me.

I chased him and chased him, all through the wild African jungle. He would soon figure out how dangerous a horny woman without her carrot can be. As I continued to follow that rabbit, I realized I didn't know where we were, so I kept running and running until I began to fly . . . and then fall from the peak of a cliff.

Luckily, I survived, but so did that damned rabbit! And before I could stand he was gone; he disappeared down a hole that I could not fit through.

Just when I was about to start digging, I noticed a tree glowing. On closer inspection, I realized it was a TV. It took me by surprise. And as I stared an infomercial began for the Awesome Auger. I couldn't take my eyes away from that rotating, metal machine! It was the ultimate pleasure machine!

I wanted it, I needed it, and I craved it and the hand-held drill that came free when you called within the next half-hour.

'_Oh how beautiful it is!'_ was the only thought going through my horny head. I watched as Billy Mays demonstrated how it works. I could have swooned; I wanted it in me so bad.

When a 1-800 number came on screen, I cried out in joy. And then I almost had a panic attack, until I realized the neighboring tree had a phone attached to it.

I can't wait until I get my own Awesome Auger! It will make this God-forsaken jungle so much more pleasant. But, alas, I must wait seven to fourteen days until its arrival.

So I made my way back to our village. Along the way, I came across a dead elephant. I used him to relieve my urges before going back. In retrospect, that probably wasn't the best idea, because now I feel like I have every crotch critter in existence. Next time I'll just have to make out with myself, or a light bulb.

XXX

**Adah**

Last night I had a magnificent dream! It felt so real. I was finally getting some alone time with Father. IT FELT SO GOOD!

However, it turned out it wasn't a dream! I was sleep walking, and then I started sleep raping Leah! It shouldn't have felt so good, so right, but it did! It was the best sensation I've ever felt! I know it was wrong to continue doing what I was doing after I awoke, but my body wouldn't let me stop. I think I had more organisms last night than any other.

Problem is, now I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I see my twin my whole body aches for her. You would think, after last night's events, that I would be less horny now. But now the ticking time bomb that is my femininity is so close to bursting I can hardly function.

XXX

**Leah**

I thought it was Father at first, but after realizing he had yet to stick his member into me, I realized it wasn't. I opened my eyes a crack and was shocked to see the Retard giving me so much pleasure!

I almost screamed, but stopped. It felt much, much better than when Father molested me. So, even though I wanted to moan so bad, I kept my eyes and mouth shut. It took so much work to remain limp!

When Retard stopped, I almost grabbed her to continue. I wanted it so bad, but she never realized. I think I've fallen in love! What will father think when he figures out I don't crave for his touch anymore? What will he do when he figures out that I think he's repulsing?

XXX

**Nathan**

Last night I had the strangest dream. I dreamed that I was pregnant with Leopold's child, and then I started going into labor, which was somewhat unpleasant. I awoke before the baby popped out, though.

Upon waking, I discovered that I had made a mess in the sheets. But before I rose I remained in that position, fantasizing about that wonderful hunk of a man. I could almost feel the movements of the baby nestled deep in my man-womb. Oh, to make a child out of love with that man . . .

But I was forced to get up soon after, when I heard a bunch of shouting outside our hut house. Axelroot the delivery boy was there with our mail.

Normally we never get anything good in the mail, but today I found three things of interest. The first was a large package that Rachel seemed particularly interested in. The second was a strange letter written on very fine stationary. And the third was a coupon for Extenze, which I found in with the catalogs.

The first thing I did was fill out the Extenze order. Then I was going to open the package, but I discovered that Rachel had run off with it. I was going to ask that little bitch what it was, but I heard a great amount of squealing and moaning from behind her closed door, and I was just in no mood for that from her.

So that left the letter. What could it be? As I carefully removed the seal, my heart fluttered as I recognized the handwriting. Leopold, ruler of the land, was writing me! Me! I felt as if I were the happiest child-molesting, man-loving, penis-craving person alive.

I breathlessly read through the letter. Then I read through it again. And again. (I was having trouble understanding the words in the deliriously happy, aroused state I was in.)

Leopold, the Course Old Man, wants me to be his bitch! I couldn't believe it. In all my life, I never thought a man could want me in the same way I want him. I began to think about Leopold and myself together, so glad that it was now a possibility. However, I was brought back to the real world when my pants got excited and I had to go change them.

After all that, I got out my favorite pink gel pen and eagerly check "yes." Then I drew a few little hearts and a butterfly around it. Then, satisfied, I ran outside to catch up to Axelroot the delivery boy, so he could mail it back immediately. He couldn't do so at first, so I promised him free play with the bitch Rachel.

So he fired up the ol' engine and headed out. As I watched him fly away, I noticed something coiling from the helicopter. I wasn't worried, however. Because as he flew away I felt as if I were going to have a perfect life.

XXX

**Orleanna**

Today I went to the market to buy some more fruit. However, I didn't have enough money to buy any, so I got the next best thing…Fruit of the Loom Underwear! Some strange woman gave me a great bargain on a whole basket of panties because she told me no one in her family wears them.

So, I skipped merrily back to the back to the hut in which we resided, concocting recipes for the underwear, since we had no other food in the house. But I found something odd in the basket.

A laptop computer was nestled at the bottom of the basket; a nice one, too. So I glanced around, making sure my bastard husband was here, and then quickly ran outside, so I could plug it into a tree and get online.

The first thing I did was check my e-mail. I didn't have much. Mostly just messages asking if I wanted to enlarge my _little area_.

After I finished reading through these messages I began reading some fan fiction. I actually found a good one there that seemed to resemble my life.

But, after a while, that got boring. So I headed over to the chat rooms. There was a nice man on one of them by the screen name of "BoyToy#9". He spoke tome first, commenting on how great my screen name was, "SuperSexBerry", that is.

The conversation went like this…

_**BoyToy#9:**__ Ur nm3 iz hott…_

_**SuperSexBerry: **__Thanx. Urz iz 2. I r3lly 3 it._

_**BoyToy#9**__: Wtz ur r3l nm3?_

_**SuperSexBerry**__: Orleanna. U?_

_**BoyToy#9**__: Orleanna?_

_**SuperSexBerry**__: Y3h...do I kno u?_

_**BoyToy#9**__: I dunno if u r3m3mb3r m3…I'm Kurtz…_

_**SuperSexBerry:**__ Kurtz! Of cours3 I r3m3mb3r…3specilly sinc3 my whor3 of a dught3r int3rrupt3d us!_

_**BoyToy#9**__: I kno! D_

_**SuperSexBerry**__: W3 could try gin som3tim3?_

_**BoyToy#9**__: W3 r so fr from one noth3r…how will w3 do it?_

_**SuperSexBerry**__: W3ll, I'll tlk dirty to u, nd u to m3…I'll pl3sur3 mys3lf, and u urself…_

So that's how it all started! My hand got so EXCITED! I enjoyed his dirty words ("I'll shove hamburger up your ass and lick it out with my tongue!")

XXX

**Ruth May**

I was happily playing in Mommy and Daddy's bed, coloring erotic pictures on the walls of their room, when I heard a strange noise. It was an odd grunting, moaning sound. It sounded like teenage mating rituals in progress!

I jumped up and ran after the noise because I was afraid I was missing out on some fun. But it turned out that it was just Rachel in her room. I saw her. She had a drill and some other thing with a rotating blade, and she was alternating sticking them inside of her while she gasped and giggled in delight.

I was jealous at first, because she was having so much fun, but then I realized she was only doing it because daddy didn't love her anymore. So then I was okay. I was okay because I knew I had a good ten years until he stopped loving me!

I have an idea so daddy will never stop loving me! I think I want to become a boy when I get all grown up! I could plant myself in the dirt, and water me and I'm sure I'd grow a _third foot_! And then Daddy will be able to love me forever!

Then I went looking for Daddy, 'cuz I wanted to tell him my idea, but I couldn't find him. Then I remember he left to talk to Axelroot the delivery boy.

So then, I just went outside and watched the Green Mamba snakes slithering through the trees. Their undulating motion turns me on so I would be all ready for Daddy when he came back.

He was taking so long, however, so I decided to go play with one of the village children. We had fun. Lots of fun. We both made lots of weird noises. And the boy figured out the color of my walls!

XXX

**Kurtz**

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, until I saw the crusty old man in bed next to me. It was then that I remembered my plans to go to the market to buy some hamburger for my date with Orleanna.

So I quickly left the bedroom before Leopold could wake up and left our house to go to the market place in the village.

I arrived in no time and immediately started browsing for the finest hamburger meat being sold. I noticed I was getting a lot of odd looks, and then I realized that I was in such a hurry to leave the house that I forgot to put clothes on. The realization was greatly invigorating.

So I continued to walk around the market in search for the finest hamburger of all the land. I looked and looked but the closest thing I could find was "Ground Meat" which was made from the testicles of any animal you could imagine. I refused to purchase that, however, because I didn't want any testicles near my precious Orleanna that weren't my own.

After many hours I found the golden substance that I was searching for. It was wrapped in special clothe and was selling for a mere two pebbles—it was affordable, and I was lucky for that because I only had three pebbles. So I quickly bought it before the other sex-crazed villagers did. As I held the delicious smelling meat I couldn't help but smile—I was going to have one helluva time.

XXX

**Leopold**

I had a horrible dream last night. (Knew I shouldn't have had that spicy bean burrito…)

I dreamed that I was on the beach with my lover, Nathan. We were cuddling under the towel, and it was lovely. He was close to me, stroking my chest hair. Feeling his hot, rank breath on my neck made me so hard.

Soon we couldn't take it anymore and the Speedos came off. Nathan fondled my nubbin with his tongue while I groped him intimately. After much gasping and moaning, I rolled on top of him and searching for the lube when something odd happened. Nathan rolled over and I was shocked to discover he had turned into a woman.

The first thing I felt was disappointment. I was so looking forward to the sensation of our erections rubbing together. Now I wouldn't have that. I began to weep at the sudden loss.

I soon noticed my female-changed lover now had a couple of body parts I wasn't accustomed too; the vagina was easy to figure out―it was a hole and with all holes you just stick it in, pull it out, and repeat the process. The boobs were much more difficult to figure out; they were merely pockets of fat. Then I realized they were full of milk as well. So I slowly ran my long, filthy tongue along his nipple (wasn't as fun as the nubbin, but It'd do) and slowly suckled the milk Nathan or rather, Nathanette, now carried. It wasn't bad tasting, but the flavor was nowhere near as delicious as the white sauce that flowed from his prick. Thinking of that long, cylindrical shape with a rounded end made me sob again. I'd never see that piece of art again!

I woke to the sound of my own sobs tangled in my bed sheets, and drenched in my sweat. The first thing I saw was my own pale hairy chest, as I had my teeth firmly clasped around my nubbin. I was also shocked to discover I was having anal sex with myself. I had no idea I could get that big…so I thought about the start of the dream and finished the job.

After I had cum inside of myself, I got up and worried about what that dream could have meant. I thought about it all the way to the post office, where I was sure I would be once again be disappointed. But then the mail man handed me a note; a beautiful note written in beautiful penmanship.

When I saw what was written inside I whooped with joy. It was all I could do not to rip off my clothes and preform a repeat of earlier that morning.

It wasn't until much later that I realized Kurtz's absence for that whole day.


End file.
